Book 5, Chapter 2, Part 6 (I Am A Child Of This House)

When I came home, I picked the jewelry to match the bird feathers I brought back from vacation. It was handcrafted and presented to Annie, Ann, Laura, Jane and Ellen.

Entering the blue deer room, getting lost of gems and matching the colors with the feathers was a delightful task.

Everyone said they couldn’t accept it because it was so expensive, but I already made it according to the color of each person hair, so I forcibly gave it to them and said that because I couldn’t use it.

But Emel didn’t come.

I wrote and sent a letter to Emel as soon as I come home, but there was no reply and he never came to see me. I thought I was going to see him, but I remember that Emel was determined that I shouldn’t came, so I pressed it and endure it.

It’s been a week.

When I asked Kelson and Arthur what happened to the Marquis, they said there was nothing wrong with Marquis Raymond.

‘What is it?’

No, what happen to a person who insist to come to see me even on the rainy day?

I started to worry.

Now the rain day has stopped, and the temperature has started to rise in earnest. So Carl was start to undressing and wielding the sword, and I grumbled at the faint spirit song.

“Why is there no contact? He even didn’t coming here. Don’t you think it’s too much?”

Carl was practicing his swords and so quite not answering anything, he was a good murmur opponent.

When I say that, Roy looks pale ‘Lord you are the only one who says that.’ He said, I did that but isn’t it too much?

“I’m worried about what’s going on. If Marquis Raymond doesn’t have any job, there is no reason not to come, right?”

Carl swings his swords and stops—he put the sword on the floor.

How does the swords gently hit the floor like that?

He approached the bench where I was sitting and shook the towel as he said.

“I guess he down on a pill.”

“Yes?”

I was surprised and looked up at Carl. Carl shrugged and opened his mouth.

“I said that before that he smelled something. It smells like medicine.”

“What is that—”

When I was about to yell, I remember something.

Sweet smell from Emel.

I thought I had smells that smell before somewhere.

In the room of Iris.

I woke up from my seat.

“Why didn’t you tell me back then?!”

“What?”

“When you think Emel is taking medicine!”

“Should I tell you all that?”

“Of course, you should!”

“Then let’s talk now. It smelled like a mixture of sleeping pills and sedative.”

“Carl Castiello!”

When I yelled again, Carl looked at me with his red eyes and said politely.

“It’s you the one who didn’t notice it.”

At that, I bite my lips and spit it out.

“Brother, it was really bad.”

After saying that, I turned around and started walking in a hurry.

Roy waited for me, as he was far away from Carl haze.

“Were you fighting?”

“Roy Dylan.”

“Yes.”

“On that rainy day, please describe what kind of state Emel was?”

Roy seemed embarrassed and said small.

“Uh—he was in a bad condition. So, I said go back and grown up.”

“Why you didn’t tell me?”

“He asked it to keep it secret from Lord. He said he going to wake up soon.”

“What does it mean to be in poor condition?”

“It smells like alcohol.”

I sighed and sighed then pressed my forehead.

“Roy……”

“I thought he was just drunk.”

Roy shrugged. When I looked at him, Roy added.

“Emel promised me that he will be okay. And it was actually getting better.”

I poke at his chest and said.

“Prepare the carriage. Right now. I’m going to attack the Marquis Raymond.”

Roy asked carefully.

“Get ready the troops?”

“I’m taking both Jean and Ellen. And tell Anne to join.”

No matter how Marquis Raymond turned their side at us, but I can’t just take Roy.

Jean and Ellen came and carefully thought out how many soldiers would be hired.

“But I don’t think take the soldier to much was a good idea, right?”

“That true, but then at least we should take the least number. Lady was Count Solard and Princess Castiello, anyway.”

So I should take an escort to the right level.

I nodded, so I took twelve people. First I was sent a letter to Marquis Raymond stating I was coming over, and the next day I left.

Carl sighed and Dad just told me to be careful and to go well.

The flag that cast the emblem of Castiello and Solard was imposing and the wagon left.

It took three days to arrive at Raymond mansion.

“How did he come to get thought this way every day?”

Ellen was amaze and surprised at my word and said.

“Probably he not come from the mansion, but from a nearby lodge.”

“Nearby lodge?”

“Rather than a villa, it should be seen as a place to monitor the Duke estate.”

Roy added as I wonder if there such a place like that nearby the Duke estate.

No, then was he staying there all of this time?

Leaving the mansion empty?

Oh my gosh.

My head became dizzy.

---

Marquis Raymond was the same as the memory I had. Instead, the face of the steward who opened the door and greeted me was changed.

“Welcome Princess Castiello.”

He bowed politely, but I was quickly suppressed because I was holding my anger.

“Where is Marquis Raymond?”

“Marquis……”

As he hesitated and looked at my eyes, I quickly went inside.

“Is he in the old Marquis room? Or where is he?”

“Princess!”

The embarrassment butler caught me up, but Roy reached out and intercepted us.

“We might be all open all the room in this mansion because you being annoying, you know that? And you should know that we are not here to harm the Marquis.”

At the end of Roy words, the butler sighed and said.

“The Marquis is in the guest room.”

“Guest room?”

“He said he didn’t want to stay in another room—that is the last room on this floor.”

“Thank you.”

I said goodbye and went up the stairs.

Last room, last room, last room.

As I walked through the hallway, as soon as I arrived before the last room, I opened the door without hesitation.

As soon as I opened it, it smelled a lot.

Sweet scent and alcohol smell.

It was made me so dizzy at the moment.

The room was dark with all the thick curtains down. I blinked my eyes and wished to adjust to the darkness and went it, I said without hesitation.

“Roy. Open all the curtains and windows. Ellen and Jean will be guarded at the entrance. Anne is coming in with me.”

At least it was consideration to make the coworker invisible.

Ellen and Jean nodded, and Roy began to open the curtain from the other end. The light came in like a sting.

I just checked and opened the bedroom door, and found the epicenter of the smell more intense than the smell of the living room.

“Emel Raymond!”

I yelled inside. Anne found a censer nearby, covered the lid and opened the curtain. The sunlight shined on a bottle of wine rolling on the floor. I approached the bed and stopped.

“Emel…….”

I called his name with a sigh.

Emel was sleeping like a drunkard with a rough face with a beard.

I took a long breath.

Of course, I was angry.

But that doesn’t mean I’m going to beat Emel and wake him up to yell at him as I asked what’s going on here.

As I pulled the strings, a pale-face servant ran.

“Clean the room and change the Marquis clothes.”

“But the Master told me not to come in……”

As I raised my eyebrows, the servant quickly bowed his head.

Her eyes were frowning and she muttered something and starts to undressing Emel boots, get rid of the bottle, incense, ventilated, everything was done in silence. After all the work done, I decide to wait next him until Emel wake up.

I hung the lamp I received from Anne and sat in the rocking chair and opened the book I was reading.

Cool summer night air flowed through the half-opened window.

‘Let’s change the atmosphere of the mansion tomorrow. It’s too colorful and slimy.’

I don’t know how glamorous and dullness can coexist.

No, would it better to say that the colorful can be gorgeous too?

The mansion itself spews out the achievements of the Raymond family that it has accumulated.

As I was turning the bookshelf, I suddenly felt a gaze and I raised my head, and Emel was awake and staring at me.

I didn’t say anything or opened his mouth, he just stared at me.

So, we stared at each other for a very long time, and in the end, I was tired and opened my mouth first.

“Why you don’t say anything?”

When I opened my mouth, he was blinked his eyes as if he was surprised. And he hesitated for a long time and opened his mouth.

“Because you will disappear.”

“I don’t disappear as long as you talked.”

“Really?”

Emel looked at me with such a faint smile.

I slowly covered the book and got up from my seat and approached Emel. I put a book on the table and said in bed and stared at him.

“See. I didn’t disappear right?”

Emel glanced sideways and muttered.

“I don’t think I have ever mixed hallucinogens.”

“You used the sleeping incense.”

“Because I can’t sleep.”

“Why?”

“Because you are not there.”

“I’m here.”

Haha, Emel laughed out loud. Weary he asked.

“Are you really here?”

“Yes.”

“Red eyes.”

As he muttered, he touched my eyes and I asked.

“You don’t like it my eyes?”

“There is no place that is not beautiful in you.”

At Emel words I laughed. He said as he rubbing my eyes.

“This is looks real.”

“Isn’t it real?”

“It’s must inside my dream.”

“Do you think so?”

As he laughed, Emel took a long breath and said.

“Then when will you die?”

“Yes?”

“Like this, fluttering me, and approaching. Right. Then you always end up die. And you are not there anymore.”

“Do you always dream like that?”

“Like this?”

I frowned.

Emel slowly reached out, he couldn’t reach me, as he drawing it along the contours of my face as if it touched me one layer apart, he said.

“Always like this, I can’t save you. I always did. Always. Always. I’m left alone and your body become cold. Then what should I do? I can’t see you. Are you alive now? Or am I dreaming?”

He murmured constantly.

“Maybe you were caught and killed by the wizard at the first place. Or after that in the river, or in the Imperial Palace. Maybe you’re already dead and I may just be chasing fantasy.”

I swallowed my breath.

I didn’t know that Emel was still suffering like this.

I’m alive and everything was over, so I thought everything will be okay. As I looking at him, I didn’t think about the how hurt he is or the bitterness he would be suffered.

Because the end is good, everything is good.

I thought it was done now.

Emel said as he holding put both his hand on his forehead.

“I can’t sleep.”

Then he laughed.

“No, am I sleeping now? Tell me. Estelle Castiello.”

I reached out and pulled Emel face.

His eyes were wide open.

As I watched his caramel colored eye pupil grow bigger, I said firmly.

“Now you are awake, I’m here, you here. So, sleep in peace. Emel. And we will talk tomorrow morning.”

His expression was filled with frustration.

“Estelle? Really?”

“Yes, it’s me Estelle. Your Estelle.”

“Is this also a dream?”

He laughed as he whispered.

“That’s a good dream.”

Emel reached out as if he wants to hold me, but he eventually couldn’t touch me and dropped his hand. I let him go and said back.

“Now sleep.”

“I feel bad to close my eyes.”

He muttered, but I saw him as I frowning, he looked at me painfully. But soon again.

“You still here”

“I’m here.”

I said so and took his hands.

“If I do this, will you know that’s I’m really here?”

He exhaled and closed his eyes. He held my hand for a long time, and then my knees started to kneel as my legs began to hurt.

‘Well, I’m glad the carpet is soft.’

I should bring the stool over there here.

I regret it and fell on the bed halfway.

---

“………Estelle?”

With a whispering voice, I woke up from a nap.

The sunlight hit my eyes, then I frowned lightly and then straightened my body. Emel was staring at me with an eye that hardly and couldn’t believe that I was in front of him.

I yawned and waved my hand and fell on the bed again and laughed.

“Hello, Emel. Good morning.”

He stared blankly at me for a long time and then he let go of my hand.

Only then I did turn my hard shoulder back and forth. I heard the sound of joints. Ugh, I kept yelling in a bad sleeping posture, and I was already yelling here and there.

“Well, yesterday—”

“It was not a dream.”

I woke up and stretched my body all over. There was a sound from my body. Is this the sound that come out from a girl body?

I don’t know when I will be strong again. I can tell Emel that it’s okay if I keep on being weak like this.

But the problem is it not about my weak body.

I swallowed a sigh and quickly changed my face.

“Do you have anything to say now?”

When I stood with my legs wide open in front of him, I put my hands on my waist and stood as I asked, Emel was sitting in bed for a long time and blindfolded.

“At least can I wash myself first, then come back again after i’m already in a good shaped?”

“I willing.”

After a while, Emel changed his clothes, washed, shaved, and coming looking neat. His eyes still red, and I can see the heavy tiredness.

“Then tell me.”

He sat on the chair and I said.

“I’m actually very angry?”

Emel looked at me silently. I sighed and sat down on his knees, and Emel jumped.

“Lady?”

“But after listening to Emel story yesterday, my angry was stopped briefly. Why you didn’t tell me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Having a nightmare, and anxious about me die. So that’s why you want to see me every day before.”

Emel said with a nice face.

“I am getting better.”

“That’s not what I’ve seen right now. Since when did this happen?”

Emel shut his mouth tightly and I narrowed my eyes.

“Good. Then I will guess.”

I though for a moment and then asked.

“Since I was passed out?”

Emel didn’t answer, he bites his lips and didn’t answer because it was the correct answer. Emel confessed by gently sweeping my lips with his thumb.

“Otherwise I couldn’t bear it.”

He means when you don’t take the medicine and don’t drink.

I sighed.

“But even after drinking medicine and drink alcohol you still have a nightmare, and it was useless right?”

“It was fine these days.”

He made excuses again and I frowned and realized.

“Ah, damn it.”

“Um, do you know what that means?”

“I should have known when Emel had been smelling sweet all of this time. But it wasn’t that prominent, and you were in the way. Really.”

He must have been getting out of anxiety by confirming I was there. But I told him not to come, and eventually I went on a long trip.

So, what’s going on was the recoil came and exploded. Is the same as if you go on a yo-yo diet phenomenon.

“Emel, if you told me—”

“It’s not a good thing to say.”

“No way!”

I raised my voice and woke up from his laps and he looked straight at me.

“Emel still doesn’t believe in me.”

“I am—”

“Whatever Emel is like, I still love Emel.”

Emel looked at me silently. I looked into his serene, beautiful amber eyes and wished my sincerity.

“Sometimes I think that Emel is running into misery.”

His shoulder was flawed. I smiled.

“I know Emel love me, and I love you too. Emel, Emel shouldn’t set on your own qualification. I decide that qualification. I think you are enough, why did you drive yourself like that?”

I tried. Medicine and alcohol are phenomenon and result, because what’s inside him was the main of the problem.

Anxiety about me, vigilance about what will collapse if I disappear. But I thought it wasn’t all that.

Emel always told me to cherish myself.

I want to return those words.

“I’m—”

He opened his mouth for a moment and close it again. I grasped his cheeks gently, and kissed his cheeks.

“Emel you should forgive yourself.”

When he couldn’t keep me safe, failure to keep his men, and all those regrets.

Emel reached out and grabbed my back. His head was titled and touched my shoulder. A long time later, I whispered to his soft brown hair.

“I will help you. First, Emel need some recovery.”

He laughed small and took off from me. Sparkling amber eyes came to my vision and it stuck there.

A susceptible, soft, fragile face that is not normally I saw from him.

A face that he shows only for me.

I held his head up and kissed him lightly, then I declare with my head up.

“And I will change the atmosphere of this mansion.”

Anne handed out a thick green liquid to Emel.

“What is this?”

Emel took the cup and asked in amazement.

Well, it’s looks like a green alga.

A liquid like that never looks delicious even at a glance and it has a strange smell to me.

“It’s to take the medicine out of the body.”

Anne said coldly. Emel said looking into the cup seriously.

“It’s going to make me throwing up.”

“No way. Now, drink it.”

Emel looked at me, I looked at Anne, and Anne looked at Emel. I said as I sticking out the lemon candy.

“This is the only thing I can give.”

“You can stop me from drinking this.”

“I heard the incense that Emel inhaled it was an addictive drug.”

That’s why the rebound would come at once.

Drug! Addicted!

How scary is that?

On my serious face, Emel sighed and stopped breathing he swallowed the liquid in the moment.

Emel face was dull. He drank it fast, then I threw the candy into his mouth and he bite it.

“I’m really felling like vomiting.”

Anne said as she putting the cup on the road tray.

“You should drink it three times a day, so you shouldn’t vomit it. Do you hate to drinking it again?”

In her words, Emel smiled bitterly.

“That’s right.”

Anne paused at his reaction, then she grabbed the tray and greeted me before she gone. Roy shrugged.

“Anne doesn’t like you.”

“Roy!”

When I shouted in surprise, Emel sighed.

“I know, I can see it.”

Then I said as I looking at Emel.

“Anne is not a bad girl—”

“I know.”

Emel interrupted my words and nodded lightly.

“There are some things I did wrong.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s not something that Estelle should be sorry for.”

Then he hesitated, looked at me and asked.

“How long are you going to stay in this mansion?”

“Of course, until Emel is getting better.”

Speaking confidently, Emel laughed and said lightly.

“Then you should tell me to prepare the room right now. I never thought you would stay.”

“I already staying overnight.”

Emel seems embarrassed with my word “That’s.” He stuttered and barely complete the sentence.

“I should say that it is not old. We stayed in one room, but I didn’t hit it.”

I smirked and crossed my legs.

“Right. It doesn’t hit. I have to write a letter to the Duke mansion. I will say that I stay here for a while.”

In my words, his face turned bright.

“I will tell the servant to prepare the room right now. No, please choose the room you want.”

“Then I’d like to use the room I used to stay in before. Because I was comfortable in that place.”

“As you wish.”

“And is it okay to change the mood of the room to my liking?”

“As you are comfortable.”

“Good.”

I nodded.

“Then I should tell you that I will change all the curtains first. I know that for the time being, I’m going to keep the ladies busy.”

Emel nodded to me. Emel seems to nod no matter what I say.

Everyone is too soft.

“And what’s your schedule for today?”

“Schedule?”

“Yes, I don’t know what it is, but I think it would be better to cancel it.”

“I don’t think there is any schedule.”

“That’s fortunate.”

“But why you said it’s good to cancel it?”

At Emel question, I smirked my head and filed the important information.

“That’s medicine.”

“Yes.”

“Anne said as you drink that, it will hurt a lot because of the withdrawal of the poison.”

Emel frowned.

“Is that so?”

“It must have been that way, since Anne said that? So, starting today I will become a caregiver. At the same time, I’m going to retouch the atmosphere at Raymond mansion.”

“Should I be glad, or not…….”

As he muttered, I giggle and asked.

“Is there anything you would like to leave in the mansion?”

“If there is, I wouldn’t stay in the guest room.”

I nodded at his words.

“Okay, so, what is your favorite color or mood?”

“I don’t know? Yellow?”

He looked at me and said that, “Yellow……” and I muttered.

“It’s a little difficult to decorate the room with yellow, so let’s leave it as a point.”

“Pink and red are also good.”

He said with a smile on his chin.

Only then I realized what Emel was talking about, and I said with a smile.

“And, of course, gold is also good right?”

“The gold is yellow.”

Emel said so and I laughed again and said.

“I like brown and amber the most. But I don’t know what it would be like to decorate the mansion.”

Let’s leave it with the paint color.

‘But how much money does the Marquis of Raymond have?’

It shouldn’t be compared to the power of Duke Castiello.

Are we going to be about a quarter of that?

I think I should save on the cost of the interior, and I recalled the warehouse that Lett showed me before.

I traveled with him all over the place to see art and warehousing, but if you search well, you may find something useful.

I woke up and said.

“Shall we take a walk in the garden?”

“Gladly.”

Emel and I came out to the garden of the Raymond mansion.

To suit the taste of Marquis Raymond, the garden was decorated gorgeously.

When Castiello garden were said to compete with vastness, the Marquis had such a splendid fill.

Emel looked at the garden for a moment and said.

“The one that I don’t want to change in this mansion. This garden.”

“The garden will be not touched at all. Sometimes it takes more than a decade to get a seat in the garden.”

I sat on the bench nearby and asked.

“Are your body okay?”

“Not yet.”

Emel didn’t sit down and just stared at me.

He seemed incredible calm rather than when he woke up in the morning.

‘Was it because he a little bit bitten with my words?’

It’s a deep problem in Emel mind that I can’t solve, but at least I can relieve the anxiety.

‘I’m not saying that I’m not dying, but I really have to stay strong.’

The problem of course because I was weak and I didn’t know how long I could last.

‘Besides, it happened even after I said I was okay. There is no reliability.’

“Then it turns out that I have never heard anything from Emel at that day.”

“What happened?”

“Well, after I went out with my dad, in the Imperial Palace. I just heard that brother and Emel had been harmed, but I haven’t heard the details.”

“It was the most terrible battle of my life.”

Emel said as if spitting it quickly, and continued to keep an eye on me.

“I thought you might have died. Then there is no reason to keep the fight.”

“Emel……”

“And then Carl defeated me with a knife. To awaken me and said that you’re still alive.”

“That’s fortunate.”

Emel laughed.

“After that it was more hell to see you not waking up. Your body was become half transparent, so i thought you would really disappear.”

“Did i?”

I was startled.

“Yes.”

Emel nodded.

“When I went to a contract with the spirit, he said it become transparent so your soul can be caught, I was always worried that the next day you would disappear. Like that.”

His voice was cut off.

That’s why he started to take the medicine. Suddenly I realized that Emel had no one.

He is no longer Wolf, Marquis Raymond family is against him. Roy also said he had cut out with him.

‘He had nobody really.’

What if i’m in Emel situation? No one around me and only Emel remains, and what if he will disappear too?

I felt like my eyes were getting dark.

“When Estelle said I shouldn’t come to see you every day, there was really nothing to say.”

So, you have such a face.

“It was because I didn’t know.”

Excused that I didn’t know his condition, Emel continued.

“So, I can’t sleep when I don’t check on Estelle even for a day, I don’t want to come because you’re going to be in trouble.”

It seems like you’re going to blow me up. I could see that he was just throwing up his mind. I said as I holding his hand.

“That’s because I think it would hard for you to come every day. So, let’s check it out to your heart content. I will stay by your side.”

I smiled as I said that.

Emel didn’t answer my words. He just took my hand. I held his hand with a pod on his finger.

I know why Emel doesn’t answer.

‘He didn’t believe in me.’

But I also know why he held my hand.

‘He was thinking about wanting to believe in me.’

If you think about my actions so far, then you for at least you trying and thinking so.

When I told him to live for each other, I had no idea what will happen when I break the pledge. How indifferent I am by itself?

Of course, I can say the excuse after the promise was made, but that’s an excuse not to. I bowed down and kissed Emel back hand. Hmm, I felt his whole-body shivering.

“I love you, Emel.”

He kissed me, and he raised my hand and kissed it.

“I love you too.”