Book 3, Chapter 3, Part 4 (I Am A Child Of This House)

Emel dropped me in front of my room without saying anything, i stepped in and threw myself in bed.

‘What? What was that?’

My heart beat like a sprint.

I put my face on the pillow and tried to calm my running heart.

Emel.

Emel Astrada.

Emel was always my Emel. Of course he was always stay by my side, always by my side, and, and.

‘He was a men.’

As i realized that my cheeks have gone up.

‘Crazy. Crazy, Estelle Castiello. Stop running, my heart.’

I thought we would be kissing.

I thought Emel would kiss me, even thought i know it but i didn’t want to run away.

‘But Emel seemed didn’t mean anything.’

I shouldn’t meet a man alone in the middle of the night, he warned me. I think the warning will not applied to someone who close to me, and i feel like he is my brother. Also to Emel……

I like him?

No, that’s not it. No matter how cool Carl is, it doesn’t feel like this.

After all, others are others……

My eyes are dull. As i struggle in bed, it seemed that i couldn’t sleep again.

I finally wake up from my bed, and sat in the bed. My face was still hot.

Emel voice seemed to be hovering inside me.

Emel voice was so good.

His eyes were pretty.

‘No, stop thinking.’

The more i thought about it, the more reddened my face was and  i felt like my throat was choked.

Uh? Wait.

Do i like Emel?

Even i thought about it myself, i was stuck in my breath.

Yes, it was. This monopoly feeling, i understand it now, all this time i was jealous about Stephanie, it was already like this from before.

‘I like Emel.’

My heart jumped and i grabbed my chest.

‘Ahh—!’

I kicking the blanket, and put my head back on the pillow.

‘What should i do? How i face him from tomorrow?’

The outside become bright while i was worried. I think i should sleep more, but i couldn’t sleep.

Several possibilities passed through my head.

‘Is it because he was close, kind and a handsome men?’

What about Roy and Jean?

Sir Ren?

I’m folded my arms and thinking seriously. If Roy and Jean get close to me like Emel did……..

‘Well, i think i’m going to be pounding .’

Both are a handsome men.

Oh, i just never thought them as a men before. They were just too close to me….

But from an objective eye, definitely all the three are handsome men.

‘Should i asked?’

But if i ask Jean for do the same thing……

‘Jean was so knowledgeable so he won’t do it. I have to asked Roy for this……’

But Roy is not here. He followed along with Carl.

Think like a thread with the tail biting, i called my contractor.

 ‘Alpha.’

—Will i going?

There was no end of his words, i couldn’t understand what he mean.

Do you want me to see Carl?

It was what he asked. I smiling and hugged my knees.

‘Yes, please.’

—If that a request of contractor.

Alpha’s presence was gone. He going to Carl. Alpha will more faster than a horse ride. And now there  an end…….

I smile lightly.

‘If you think about it, the Marquis of Raymond also can just declare a defeat all together.’

The Marquis Jamon were defeated, Dad is already back too. So it was too hard for Marquis Raymond to stand alone.

Wouldn’t it better for them to just declare a defeat and end it? Kelson will scrape the reparations up to one gold coin, that’s it, of course he was already prepared.

I came down from the bed.

It’s not bad to start a day constructively, because i can’t sleep until i was tired anyway.                         

‘Besides, i’m so hungry now….’

I didn’t have a dinner last night and went straight to bed. And my lunch was all done lightly on the street.

‘I want to eat properly.’

It’s a little early, but should i ask for breakfast now?

I just realized a while ago that i like Emel, but still hungry is hungry.

Wouldn’t it be a different matter?

It’s maybe a story about romance, but it can also draw my appetite. As i thought so, i pulled the rope. Soon the door opened and Jane grinned.

“Lady. Are you wake up early?”

Familiar voice and familiar words.

When i realized that i had returned to the mansion, i smile and said.

“Yes, i’m hungry.”

“Ohh, you would really. Then i will prepare the breakfast for you.”

Jane nodded. Then Annie came in and asked.

“Would you like to wash first?”

“Yes, hot water! I want to take a bath!”

“I will prepare it for you.”

Annie nodded.

The long bath was pleasant. But i didn’t really enjoy it, because i’m hungry now. I washed everything from head to toe with very clean, dressed up, and filled with a hearty breakfast.

Golden pancakes with butter and syrup dripping to the edges with a crunchy sausage, crispy salad, and freshly squeezed cold milk.

Everything was so delicious that i ate everything until i couldn’t eat anymore. When i was taking bath Annie was worried that i might have lost weight, as she watched it her worries seemed to go away.

That’s right. I ate a lot.

After a meal i can have a relax time—i went to library to organized my own thought alone as i enjoy the leisure time, Alpha walked in.

—They already in their way here.

‘Uh? Really? Everyone?

—Yeah, i think they will arrived at the mansion by tomorrow.

‘Really? Thanks God. But i think it would be good if they send a messenger in advance. But it seemed Carl didn’t do that.’

—A messenger is coming. I think they will arrived around lunch.

‘So like that. Is everyone…..safe?’

—Everyone?

‘Um, Carl, Xeon and Roy?’

—All the three are alive.

I was relieved at Alpha light words and swept my chest. I’m glad that all the three are safe.

I went to the library and opened the book. But i can’t catch the letter well.

Only about what happened with Emel that revolved around my head.

‘Uh, let’s talk to Anne.’

When i come and visited Anne because i didn’t had someone else to consult, she was said sorry because she was doing something important.

“Is it really important?”

Anne asked and i shook my head. The dragon waved his hand from the back of Anne. My eyes narrowed naturally.

I whispered to Anne.

“If that dragon does something weird to Anne, tell me right away. You can just me a signal.”

Anne laughed at me and shook her head.

“No. I am just getting some help.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

I sighed, Anne earnestly grabbed my hand.

“Do you need some time? It’s okay if it’s just for awhile.”

“No, it’s not an important story.”

I shook my head.

“I can talk about it later. Study hard.”

“Yes.”

Anne replied with a smile, i smiled back at her and get going.

Ellen…..i can’t talk to her too. Jane and Stephanie are the same. Because both of them are my maids…..

There’s really no one i can talk to.

What about i talked about it to Lilia? But i’m too embarrassed to write the letter.

‘Unbelievable. Surprisingly there’s nobody.’

If i think about it, there was no time to making a friend.

‘When i go to the capital this time, i should start making a friend.’

I seem to be falling behind from the social circle—

‘At salons, tea parties, some parties! I will made a lot of girls friend!’

Actually i wanted to go to the academy, but i can’t help it because dad and Carl won’t let me going.

After i sighed, i turned to the book again.

‘Ah.’

The book was turned upside down.

‘I’m sorry.’

“I don’t think you are studying.”

At that time a sudden voice come, i was surprised and looked down. Because i was sitting on the top of the ladder to read the book, i can find my opponent easily.

“Teacher!”

I quickly climbed down the ladder.

“I want to say hello to you when you come back.”

“Teacher, i didn’t know you were there.”

“……..”

“Sorry.”

At that i quickly bowed and apologized to Hardel.

I’m sorry! But still, is he already stay here for a long time? I wish somebody could tell me.

I’m so embarrassed.

I try to swallow my scream and moan, Hardel sighed.

“You can’t help it. You must have been distracted, can i see what book you read?”

“Sure.”

Hardel took the book out of my hand and glanced over the cover.

“Representative’s Refute to Astral Theory of Celestial Objects and The Latest Celestial Research Trend.”

‘Was it such a book?’

“Are you having fun?”

“Uh, yes, little, i’m interested in heavenly body structure…..”

When i made an excuse, Hardel showed me the cover of the book.

[Aland root recipe.]

“…….”

I had a cold sweat on my forehead.

“I hate disciples who lie.”

At the words of Hardel, i sighed and took the book from his hand and threw it to the next book cart.

“I didn’t mean to lied to you. It just, i had a hard time so i just pulled out any book.”

“But is it okay if you stay here? Is your research going well?”

“Are you urging me to publish the research as soon as possible?”

“Yes? No, no! Not that, if you busy with your experiment, you can leave. Is it okay for you……”

After i said that, Hardel smiled reached out and stroke my head.

“I don’t experiment anything now, it’s fine.”

“What are you studying?”

“Squared -1 can’t it be?”

“Yes……..?”

“The power is zero or positive. Even if you squared negative numbers, you can get positive numbers. Then there are two answers. But it didn’t seem wrong. Then there is something else.”

Math……it was a math experiment….

“I’m sorry. I don’t understand.”

To my honest answer, Hardel laughed.

“I didn’t except you to understand.”

Ugh.

It felt like i being stabbed. But I think Hardel didn’t said that to make me feeling down.

“Are you looking for the answer?”

“Rather than looking for it, it proves its existence.”

“I see.”

I pretended to understand and nodded. Mathematics is really a rat poison.

“So, what are you worried about?”

As Hardel asked me, i looked up saw him and looked down again

Uhh, is not a problem that i can explain to Hardel…..

But Roy isn’t here, I can’t tell Jean too, i need someone to consult about this problem…..

I glance at Hardel again. And seriously said.

“Teacher.”

“Yes.”

“Can you try to seduce me once?”

“……..”

Hardel stared at me without answering. His black eyes seemed to see through me, and my ears become red.

“That, uh, i must have been crazy for a while. Sorry. Please just forget what i said before.”

I stretching my hands down to apologize, but Hardel caught my wrist.

“Okay.”

“Yes??”

“This is not a suitable place.”

“Yes???”

Hardel sniffed for a while and grabbed my wrist and moved inside the library. I was rippling behind him as if i was obsessed.

The atmosphere inside the library was cool and quiet because on one else here. Only sound of our two feet were ringing at the high ceiling.

Hardel pushed me into the innermost wall between the bookshelves.

He slowly took his glasses off and put them on the bookshelf. My gaze follow his hand when he took his glasses off and then returned to his face.

Hardel, who took off his glasses, he looked a little strange. Hardel lightly stroke his head and his bangs slowly coming down—

Uh, umm. Wow?

Hardel came one step closer and i stepped back and touched the wall.

Uh, right. I’m being locked up. He touched the wall with his arm. Ahhhh!

Thump!

My face turned red. As i looked at him my feet trembled.

“Princess.”

Hardel whispered. But i couldn’t answer anything. i was staring at my feet, and he said.

“If you keeping bowing like that, i can’t seduce you.”

“Uh, uh, i don’t think you can.”

My voice was trembling. It wasn’t like my voice.

‘Ahhhhh, i’m embarrassed!!’

It’s so embarrassing! It made me shy!

“Estelle?”

He whispered again and i covered my face with both hands and shouted.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

I was feel hot around my neck. I’m must be crazy, it’s crazy.

I opened my hands to see Hardel, and he was smiled.

As he laughed lightly, Hardel grabbed his glasses again and stepped back three steps. When the distance came, i was be able to breathe properly.

Hardel sweeps his hair again and put his glasses on.

“Are you trying to comparing?”

“Yes? Yes.”

After answering, i feel my face burning up and said.

“Uh, how—“

How did you know i was trying to compare?

“I’m used to your erratic remarks.”

Hardel said so, leaned back, folded his arms.

“So what kind of person are you trying to compare with me?”

At that question i swallowed my saliva.

“It’s a secret.”

In my words Hardel nodded. And said.

“In addition, i don’t think it’s right to you to asked someone for doing this things.”

“I’m also sincerity reflecting now.”

My face was still hot and added.

“It was the stupidest thing in the world…..”

“Not so far.”

I sighed at Hardel correction.

“Then shall i say that it was a third?”

At my words, he smiled and leaned against the bookshelf.

“Thanks to what you went through, you are a growing up flowers in a greenhouse.”

I nodded because it was exactly it is.

“It would be nice if you get used to it a little bit more. But i hope it wasn’t me the partner for doing that. Do you understand?”

“Yes. I understand.”

I nodded deeply.

“Because my life is precious.”

Hardel mumbled and said that, as he leaning back from the bookshelf.

“And it would be nice if you have some more girlfriends.”

“I feel the same thing now.”

As i murmured, he looked at me and i looked back at him.

“Young Lady, it’s better to know how a men looked at you.”

“I think i heard a similar story a while ago.”

Emel used to tell me the same story.

Ah—

I realized the difference. When Emel came near…..

‘More.’

More—i wanted it more. I certainly had a heart beat for Hardel, but i didn’t want it more.

‘I must be crazy.’

I pressed my hot eyes around the palm of my hand and said.

“I’m sorry for asking you this things.”

“No. It’s better than asking the other.”

At Hardel words, i laughed.

At that time, the door of the library opened and there was a loud voice.

“Lady? Lady!”

It was Jane. ‘Ah.’ I stepped away and Hardel set me aside to ease.

‘Thank you.’

Speaking in my mouth, i raised my voice.

“I’m inside.”

And then i ran toward the entrance from the library as fast as i can.

+++

Ellen who flipped the water over, wiped her face with a towel and asked.

“What do you think about Emel? Why he is missed the practice?”

Jean pressed the pump and shrugged.

“Isn’t he didn’t looked good today?”

“…….Is it…..?”

“Maybe.”

“Then I can’t help it.”

Ellen muttered. Everybody knows with who Master Carl fighting right now.

“I wish i could get off even if a dispatch order is immediately.”

When i think about Emel, i think it’s better not to.

His majesty seemed not really care about that.

“I shall talk to him.”

Jean shook his head at Ellen words.

“It’s not a problem that you can talk about.”

“That’s true though.”

Ellen thought so and put a towel on her shoulder and headed to the Knights Room. She was coughed in front of Emel room and knocked, the door was open unexpectedly fast.

When Emel opened the door, he looked at Ellen and had a strange face.

“Can i talked for a minute?”

Ellen asked, he nodded and opened the door. As she walked in, Emel closed the door.

When i thought about what happened with the Lady last night, it most likely that Lady was told a story to Ellen and now Ellen came to warn me. I feel like i’m a garbage now, i think i will defeat completely if i get the last blow form her, Emel gave a strength to his abdomen.

“What’s wrong?”

At his question, Ellen turned round to him.

“Are you okay?”

It was unexpected question, Emel replied with a voice that was unknowingly weak.

“I’m not okay.”

“Is it?”

“Yes. Not really? I don’t know.”

Emel leaned against the wall and swept his face with both hands.

Since Estelle was pointed to me for the first time, it was only natural that she was the center of my life.

I feel like a tree that bends because it search of the sunlight, or as a flower that bloomed in search of the sun.

It’s too natural.

I thought i like to stay by your side. I always thought she is as my precious things.

At first i was surprised with her completely different figure. How could she become so different in just two months?

But still she is my Lady, it’s Estelle. So i thought it would be okay, but i was confused. In the meantime when Ren try to told the Lady about his feeling, it’s when i was realized that i was confused.

Until yesterday, i thought that Lady was just a cute girl. I don’t know where it started. I don’t know where to start.

But i know this isn’t right.

I was surprised about what i said to her yesterday. I shouldn’t talk to the Lady like that. I didn’t mean to surprised Estelle.

But it’s true that she still stretches her arms to me and asked me for a hug.

‘Asshole.’

As i speaking out that to myself, Ellen sighed.

“You don’t have to be so guilty, right?”

“Do you think so?”

Emel replied with a muddy voice and Ellen nodded.

“Right. No matter how not close you are, you cannot break the kindred blood.”

“Kindred blood?”

Emel wondered and looked up and asked Ellen.

“Are you not worried about your family?”

Emel stared at her and began to laugh.

“Damn, Ellen Fizz. Right now, you made me feel twice as a crap.”

“Uh? What? Is it not because of that?”

It was an open secret about what happened between Emel and Raymond Marquis. So as she carefully spoke, she was embarrassed when the opponent started too laughed.

“What happened then?”

As Ellen embarrassed and asked that, Emel covered his face with one hand and kept laughing and shook his hand.

“No. It’s okay. There just some problem. Thanks.”

For making me realize that i was really a sick person.

Ellen’s eyebrows went up. I don’t know what it is, but i know it’s was a totally different situation.

“Emel Astrada. What’s wrong?”

Emel stopped laughing—and exhale for a long time. He smiled and said.

“Never mind. Thank you for your concern.”

“I think it’s not just anything.”

“No, Ellen. I thought you were a wise person.”

“What do you mean?”

‘When you warned me before.’

Emel swallowed it in his mouth. Actually i wanted to talk about it to Ellen. I feel like it would be better when i talked about it to someone.

But now is not the time to told about that. Even if it’s, but the problem is like a mountain.

Knock knock.

Then there was a rough knock on the door.

“Ellen, are you inside?”

“Jean?”

As Ellen surprised and opened the door, Jean stood with a dark look.

“The messenger has arrived.”

Ellen’s face became pale with Jean words and the dark look of Jean. She ran out like a shot,

Emel quickly asked, wearing a robe.

“Is that a bad news?”

“Well.”

Emel frowned and looked at Jean.

“Right.”

The Marquis of Raymond must have been defeated.

‘Did father neck was hang in the wall?’

Emel thought so and slowly walked behind Jean.

+++